I thought I would share with you my humorous day. I promise you I do not make these things up. I think I could make a living by having my own comedy show.
So folks.....here it goes!
Carmel went to help someone move so I thought this would be a great day to go get Father's Day presents( yes, I know it's tomorrow....by the way if you are my father or my father in law and you are reading this your card is on it's way.....come Monday.
Things were going good until we went to Sam's Club.
After we finished shopping, we decided to grab lunch there. Laney goes to the bathroom to wash her hands and comes back to the table confused. She says, " Mom there was this man in the women's bathroom. He had short hair and was wearing boys clothes. I was going to tell him he was in the wrong bathroom." As soon as she finished telling me I knew exactly who she was referring to. The he was definitely a she only wanting to be a he. Thank goodness Laney( my outspoken child) did not speak what was on her mind.
We get out to the car, crank it, buckle up, get ready to back out and I see Ella doing the pee pee dance. So I pull back in and take her inside to go to the bathroom.
I go back home to drop the fruit and the girls off. I can get so much more accomplished if it is just me and Griffin....... or so I thought.
I am in Kohl's dressing room with clothes off when that mornings coffee hits me. So I begin doing the opposite of the pee pee dance. When I finally make it to the bathroom......oh wonderful the automatic flushers. Can I just say I do not like those things. They never flush for me when I want or need them to. Standing on one leg and flushing with my foot has worked for me the past several years. Why change a good thing????? Anyways......I am almost positive I heard the lady gasping for air next to me. Lesson learned.....lay low on the coffee for a while.
After Kohl's, we head to JCPenney. I am waiting for a car to move when I feel a bump. An 80 year old man was backing out of his parking place and hits me. I hop out hoping there is no damage and I can press on. I should have known better. It is scratched. I barely have a chance to check it out before a younger guys come over to tell me to get my car out of the way so he can get out. People these days....always in a hurry. So I move the van. The elderly man was with his brother( who was probably in his 70s). We decide not to call the cops and just contact his insurance company while we are there. I would have thought the worst was behind me but then I forgot about a word called disaster. The brother needed permission from the 80 year old to handle the claim with the insurance lady on the phone (did I mention the 80 year old could not hear and could barely walk). The brother hands the phone to the 80 year old to which he tells the lady, "I CAN'T HEAR SO MY BROTHER HAS MY PERMISSION TO HANDLE THE CLAIM......OKAY, BYE." and he hangs up! The brother starts fussing at the 80 year old for hanging up, meanwhile, the brother's wife is in the car sweating but can't get out because she needs her wheelchair and during the whole time their mentally retarded son/grandson has gone into the restaurant by himself. I look back over to the 80 year old who says, "I am going to pass out if I don't sit down.". I smile, give them my number and tell them just to call me.By this time I am thinking....my car is really not that bad.
I finally get into JCPenney where the air is not working........fantastic!
I go to Books A Million where at the check out an overly happy lady can't believe I am not a member. For the 5th time.......No, thank you! and I do not want a free trial of magazines. Been there....done that. She then starts in her singing voice telling me how I can go online to tell about my experiences here in the wonderful land of Books A Million. I am thinking.........you really do not want me to do that.....NOT TODAY! But I simple smile and walk out.
I then go to Lowe's where they do not have what I want for Carmel. Maybe, the kids can just get him underwear and a Mt. Dew.
I finally get home after 7:00. Ella meets me at the car wrapped in a blanket, daddy is nowhere( I found out later he was helping a neighbor) and there is no supper.
I don't know about you but I have a headache after all that. I think I am going to pop a pill that will take me to the land of dreams and call it a night.